nicolestagg

03:33 pm: for me to look at later+
http://www.elefant.com
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/news/05-10/11.shtmlFebruary 12, 2003

05:09 pm: Delete
I'm deleting this account. I need to write in my real journal instead.

05:59 pm: die
man i'm such a jerk

04:28 pm: the root of all evil
I'm at school right now. in keyboarding class.
i finally got to talk to people online yesterday after not for the longest time.
i had a really good talk with Trey whom i work with. he is way cool. he gave me a really nice compliment. said i was one of the coolest people he's ever met. Geoff said something similar to that.
I dont' get it. i really am not.
my parents are making me talk to a counsler. i find it funny, but whatever...it's their money.
i'm grounded for a month. a month. i think that's a bit much. one time sneaking out when i never have before...it's too much. whatever.
I missed out on a pretty cool party on Saturday night. Oh well. In reality it was probally lame.
I worked over 25 hours this week. no! i work 32 hours!! with both jobs put together. that's insane. kind of. some people work more then that. i'll be making the BIG BUCKS.
and i'll do my best to save that money. save it for the future. save it for California.
I was thinking about joining the Army Reserves. It'd be a really big risk...but they give you up to $27,000,000 in money towards college, plus you work for one saturday out of the month and for that one day you get $500. PLUS when you go to bootcamp you get a lot of money there. Darin (this one girl i know who did it) got $5,000 during the summer.
but is it worth...
the risk?
I hate money.
I wish there was no such thing.

MOney is the only thing back from keeping me from my dreams. Money is the thing that is driving me to flip burgers.
In this class we just wrote out a page about things BIll Gates said.
he said, "Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping—they called it opportunity."
Soooo yeah.
Still all the work i'm doing, just for a lousy dollar. MOney sucks.
but it's there, so i may as well live with it. Make it, save it, try not to spend it.
I made a shirt...well no i drew on a shirt. It says "Animal Collective" on the front, and on the back I drew a big leaf and bees. funny cause they have a song called 'Leaf House' and another called 'Bees'. So yeah i thought it fit. I really like it. I did it last night while others were watching the super bowl.
Yep, we had a super bowl party. Had like 4 families from church come over. Cool that my parents did that.
I don't want to get old. EVER. "I wanna stay 18 forever" Well...i'm only 17. but yeah once I turn 18 i want to be 18 forever.
It'll suck being out in the real world on my own soon. Suck, but be fun. Be really hard, but i'm excited to learn. excited to make something of myself.
Leah and I were talking about how we hate how our lives are so trivial. Maybe that's why i'm say to chill abotu some things. Cause i don't care. I think that my life is so simple and not hard that i don't even have to worry about my stupid selfish problems. there are other people out there who have it far worse then me. Who have been through so much more then i have. who know so much more. We were talking about how we sometimes feel like everything we do is pointless...
fake friends (being nice to people we don't even care about)
busy work at school
cleaning our rooms
other crap
I guess i don't think about the first one too much as being pointless. I think that's what really makes me happy in life. Talking to people. Making friends. Being friends with everyone. That's why i want to be a counsler when i grow up...
to help people.
be around people.
talk to people.

must go, the bell's about to ring.
peace

07:48 pm: backkk to caliiiforniiaaaa
this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the RISE AND THE FALL!!!!!

11:07 pm: fly
geoff is my favorite person here in San Whore Hey. It will be sad when he leaves me.

I want to move back to CA more and more each day. I thought it would be the opposite.

I let 2 people borrow books i have. i was really happy to see that they liked them so far. that's a good gift to give...recommend a good book that you liked.

it would be cool to be a director of films. it would be way hard though.

Goodbyetomorrow is playing HERE, and i can't go cause I got asked to prom. i wish I would've knowwwnnn!!! I would've made it clear to all that prom was not my deal, no one ask me! instead I find out after Ive already said yes to this guy. now i have to go. so sad I'm missing GBT. I cried about it actually. maybe it's best...so it doesn't remind me of home and I have a break down during Tied by Miles. I even told da band that I was SO THERE when they came to Saint George. Maybe i can even just stop by? ahhhhh this SUCKS.

crap

kdsjakf dkjsdakfjskdfjksadfjsdakjf9328459ujsidfjsakdfknvkdjfisdjds

01:28 pm: SLC
Went up to Salt Lake City area this weekend. the weekend that there's a cool ska show, and people invited me to a party. but still, it was a good trip.
I brought along Geoff.
not Jeff.
Geoff.
I got to meet his friends, and they were all sooo cool and way funny too. some of the guys were really cute too. man oh man. I enjoyed chilling with them. and Geoff said that they liked me, so that was cool.
homework calls.
I have an interview at Artic Circle. Geoff said i shouldn't sale my soul to that burger place. but for $9! I'll sale it.
Out.

03:49 pm: new years
I'll write more later.
new year
new

04:48 pm: Fury
i never get mad usually but today I did.
I'm driving out of Walmart (after buying Straylight Run's new CD which only has 6 songs on it, so that sucks. but it's pretty good. Most all the songs are about the War in Iraq and how we shouldn't be fighting it.) and I see this couple on the road with a sign that says "Stranded family. Broken down Van. Money for gas, anything can help" something like that.
soooo being in a really happy mood from just having bought Straylight, i gave them $5. $5! that's quite a lot. Think about it. I'm feeling good, feeling like I did a good thing today, you know?
i talk to my mom and she told me that those people had been there with the same sign, in the same place before we had left for CA.
WHAT?!
Stranded my butt! They were a couple of frauds!!! I was pisssseeeddddd. I've decided to either go there and yell and them, and make rude gestures with my hands, OR to make a sign that says, "These two people are frauds. Do not give them money. You are being played." and stand next to them. not a bad idea.
i was pissed. I was livid.
Not a bad idea though, if I ever need extra money...not a badddd idea.
'Candy' is good.
This morning I also went through 'Crank' and marked up all the good lines with crayons. i like it a lot.

My dad told me that our video camera is capable of doing what a webcam does, so when he gets home he's gonna help me set it up. that way i can talk to Leah through it. And I guess Jeff...and Morgan? haha even though, jeff lives here, and morgan....nooo?

I'm excited to make playlists on my POD. Ex: Midnight (songs to listen to under the stars), Wake up, it's time to go to sleep (to sleep to), Gangster Nation, Name that Song (songs about people with their names in it, stole from Shannon), High (songs about drugs, stole from a guy), California Dreamin' (songs about CA)

any others. too.

Well I have pink-eye. So I can't hang out with people.
I got to see Alec last night! i was so happy. it may be the last time i see him. or at least for 2 years cause he's going to Norway on his miss. he taught me how to play 3 different Coldplay songs on the keyboard. He really likes them. It was awesome. I hope my parents didn't sale my keyboard, cause i want to learn how to play it.

We move into my new house in less than 2 weeks. i could not be any happier! i'm so excited to set up my closet, and my room. I wish we had everything done in the bonus rooms, so that i could have a party. at least couches...i don't know.

OUT

12:11 pm: sick
not sick cool, sick sick sick. I feel sick. No, I AM sick. it sucks
I went to my friend Courtney's last night.
Met some more people. played some games, watched a movie.
Met this reallllyyy skinny asain guy who was way cute.
Got a bite mark from Gonzo.
Rode in the back of John's truck, which i love. and I guess it's legal here? so that's cool.
Talked to Courtney's mom about how Northern CA and here are both very beautiful but in 2 completely different ways. I should take more pictures of the scenery here.
Courtney has the coolest bonus room. I hope that we can make ours that cool. Just a place to chill. Relaxing lighting. Lots of soft couches. Big TV. She has a screen and a projection thing, so that was rad.
I stayed up way to late last night talking to Leah online.
Drug. That is what she is.
I finished 'A Million Little Peices' and it was AWESOME. One of the best books I've ever read. maybe even the best. Now I'm reading 'Candy'. I have to work New Year's Eve. I hope they don't keep me past 12 doing a meal for people. that would suck. not that I have plans anyway...but I'm sure I'll find something to do.
shower
peace

01:25 pm: C-mas
The spirit has died down, and I'm about to take a nap. I love taking naps in the sunlight. I used to take them in the backyard, but I'd wake up all sweaty and gross.

I got a freaking IPOD. Yes that's right, not just an IPOD but a FREAKING one. I am soooo happy. that is such a great gift. I also got other really nice things. I'm glad I gave presents to people. even though I'm cheap and went to Good Will and Suzy's Deals.
Woahhh I just felt really weird. Like my body was spinning

Last night I thought I was going to die. I was on my way to Leah's house, and I thought I was going to die. I just felt it. I was driving, listening to The Doors, thinking... and I pictured myself crashing. I couldn't see the road very well cause of the rain and my windsheild wipers. I pictured myself crashing over and over. Dying. Crashing. Floating away to the sound of The Doors. Jim. It was very scary.

I love being home. home.

I don't want to go back to a place that is not my home.
even though, I have met some cool people...I just want to stay here.
If I work hard enough, I can come back. That's what I want.

Ahhh forget A.Z.! Sucky suck sucks.

I'm reading the most amazing book called 'A Million Little Peices'.
In it, this guy was in love with this girl who has Artic Blue Eyes, as he puts it. And the guy who is the narrator has Pale Green Eyes.
Artic Blue Pale Green.
Artic Blue Pale Green.

"We were standing a foot apart, staring at each other, Artic and pale, locked and loaded. The World has stopped and there was nothing else.
Just me and her, Artic and pale, locked and loaded."
I love that.
I hate A.Z.

I don't know why I'm so distant to people.
Cami bought me 'Crank'. I'm really excited to reread it, and to mark in it. To highlight it, and to draw in it. I dont' know if that's a good idea. maybe I should keep it nice...no. who cares? it's MY book. I also bought 2 other books called 'Candy' and 'Bitter Fruit'
peace

02:31 am: festive
tonight was a gooooddd night

went with Spence, and Kel and Le, and others to a party for some people tonight. We dressed in nasssstttyyy C-mas sweaters. Leah and i had on tights and sweaters and red shoes, and earrings. the worst part was the bells attached to our clothes, oh and the hats. santa hat and bennie.
It was funny cause Le and I went to Borders before and passed by women that were wearing what we were, but they were serious...so pretty much we were making fun of them. Just like at the party we went to. We did NOT belong there. Everyone was so much older, we were fetus' compared to them. So fun though cause us 3 just went into this room and danced, so it wasn't so awkward. I love them.

I love Spence's family.

Kel and Spence's grandpa died. It was really sad. They were both sad. He died on Saturday. There's a memorial for him on Wed. but I wont' be able to go cause I'll be leaving that day. I wish I could go to support them. I would hate to go and see them cry though. I feel sorry for them, they really loved him.

I love how we all dressed up, even though everyone else at the house was wearing formal attire.

Went to watch mud football beforehand. I was soooo happy to see all of those guys. I was really happy mostly to see Alec and Peter. Peter I saw and raaannn to him and gave him the biggest hug. I missed him so much. I don't know why I missed him so much. He's the one I haven't seen in the longest I think. that's probally why.

I went to IHOP with Gibson and Mike Heylen last night? last night? whenever...
I love them soooo much.

We were listening to the gangster music in the car. cause, well...they are gangsters of course.
Kel made me a farewell mix. I really really like it. it has good dance songs on it.

somebody wanted to hang out tonight, and I told him I couldn't. I'm proud of myself for not hanging out with him. besides, he'd want to kiss me...and i ain't down wit dat.

we went to SacTo today. I tried to look for a Junior Prom dress, but didn't find any goods. I love going there. it's a fun place to be. It was nice weather today too.

the sky tonight, like the night sky was amazing. a-maz-ing.

it's weird to come back here and like....not be here to STAY. like I'm visiting my hometown. and i'm leaving to go back to people that I hardly know.
I wish I could just stay here.
stay
stay
stay
stay
stay
When next Wed. rolls around i don't want to leave

Clem boys are a no show. Lame. Lame. Lame. I'm pretty sad about that. I was hoping they could come over for a BBQ again. but have it be an actual good one this time. and start a dance party. nope, can't happen now. sucks. Ty-babe wouldn't of even been able to come anyways cause of work i found out. but STILL the other guys are fun. It would've been sad though to see Ty's friends, and not Ty. i would've wanted him to come.

Mark had an intense talk with me about church.
He's just confused.
As am I.
But he has really been good. He went to church ever since I've been in Utah, and this girl from work mentioned how he was at some stake fireside thing. I think deep down inside he wants to go on a miss, but just doesn't think he can DO it. Be ready for it. you have to be like a super-mormon now to go on miss. like, one mistake and you can't. he could...but I don't know how old you have to be to turn in your paps. I don't think he likes to talk to people about what he's feeling about chruch though. even me. plus I think he wants to persue CA, like I do.

I need to work on getting CASH.
Molah.
Greenbacks.
Dollars.
Coins.
MONEY.

I'm glad Mark and I decided to just be friends.
There's WAAYYYY to many guys out there that I want to meet to be "tied down". even though Mark is a really nice guy. I like hanging out with him. he makes me really really happy still.

leah and i met this guy named jeff who is the COOLEST guy EVER. ever.ever.ever. he reeeaaallly is. he has our sense of humor, but he's even better. he's 18
I can see Jeff being my new Spencer. well not to replace him, but just saying that I could see Jeff and I becoming good friends. really good friends

he has a friend named Ryan who is sooo rich. He lives in the really dank gated community. we went to his house a few times and ate all his crazyyyyyyy delis food. His mom is crazy. she is WAY too nice. she fed us so much, and offered us like....tons of candy. She keeps everything really really clean too. Too clean. it's creepy. but whatever, she feeds us. haha
too bad Ryan isn't cute. actually he is the ENTIRE opposite. he is....not?

I can't believe that C-mas is TOMORROW!!!!!!!

I still haven't gotten presents. but I dont have $$. I'm waiting for buy presents for after. I feel bad cause everyone will give me things, and I have nothing to give them. I don't want to borrow money from the pops though, cause he needs the money to but presents for the fam. I can wait to give my presents.

I keep wondering what I'm gonna do for New Years. I wonder if there's a big church dance like there is here. I'll have to ask around. Or a dance party. If I was in my new house I would throw a KILLER dance party. sucks.
who cares about N.Ys, I should be focusing on Christmas.
Im out it's time for bed.
it's Christmas EVE!!

07:14 pm: new start
I deleted all the old entries because I want to feel like I've started over. I'm doing my best to be good. No-- I am being good. My parents think im not. what are you gonna do?
Can't please everyone.
I just need to please myself right now.
i'm changing
for the better
new place means new me
me
what does that mean anymore?
thinking
doing a lot of thinking
people are right... i hate that
going to an adult party for C-mas tonight. that should be funny haha. hopefully we don't want to kill ourselves. i love my friends here... we have so much fun just sitting watching TV and eating at random places. not that that's everywhere...but my friends here are different. we just...get eachother.
i love
them
all

12:13 am: SKANK!
Just got back from the Skalloween show. what a clever name. Whoever thought of that should get a lot of money. I don't have any money right now except in my bank account...but if I did...i would for SURE give it to him. or her...you know, it could be a girl. Stop being so sexist.
SKA SHOWS ARE THE BEST!
Everyone is smiling and having fun and being friendly. I love them. They make me sooo happy. They are so fun too. I skanked with some cute guys. I had a good convo with Spencer. I will really miss him SO much. He is one of the coolest guys I've ever met. I would want him so bad if I wasn't too good of friends with him. He is so hot too. leah, him and I talked in Leah's car and I really liked it. I opened myself up to Spencer and told him things. I also told Shannon K things. She told me things. It was really cool. I like my friends. i dont' want to move. Forget moving! I'm staying in Folsom. I love Folsom, it is suchhhh a great town.
The Lags get into your system. ahhhhhh
I love skanking! Corey taught Mariah how to skank and she showed me. I'm glad. I'm glad I know Corey. His band played really well. I hope they make more FAST songs. Those are the best. I had slippers on and they kept falling off...now my feet are gone from people stepping on them. No I lied, they are still on. I'm sorry for lying. SOmetimes I lie about stupid things...and sometimes I make stupid jokes and want to take them back. Or I reveal my true-self to people who just can't take it. I wish people could take it.
I love the smell of "show smoke", it is a totally different smell then other smoke smells. It shouldn't, but it makes me smile. Like, "casino smoke" just smells trashy. And smoke like...on the street smells bad too. But show smoke....it just reminds me of soooo many fun times. I told these two girls that, and they rolled their eyes at me. Don't roll your eyes at me!! You're the one giving off second-hand smoke. (Second-hand smoke is more toxic, because it burns at a lower temperature) I'm eating Wendy. Wendy. What a crappy name. Sucks for Wendy. Maybe I'll name my kid that...just to piss them off. Nahhhh they wouldn't get the joke. I'll just name them...Uahioe. hhaahahahahahhahahhahahha ijust wrote that out.
i would say sorry for being annoying, but you don't have to read this whoever you are.
i need someone to take my mind off somebody elseeee. Why do I like him so much?! I wish I didn't so this wasn't so hard. i could tell people were getting annoyed I kept talking about him. I didn't mean to...I reaaally couldn't help it.
I should go to bed. I wish it was Saturday so I could watch SNL. I'm just now getting really close to people...and now I have to leave them. I accidently said (about utah), "I'm going to make so many friends down there." I didn't mean that to be conceded. I just... meant it like I'm going to TRY to make friends down there. TRY to be a friend to everyone, and bring people together. i wonder if guys will be different there. maybe cooler? some? hopefully? no probally not.
I love being Mormon. I went up to all the Mormon's and we had a "Mormon high-five" and all yelled that we were happy to be mormon. then somebody came up to us and we were like, "hey you're not mormon! You should be man, it's the greatest!" I hope she didn't get offended. I forget who it was.... but I really do like anyone and everyone, and i don't care what religion they are.
The computer is getting blurry.
I really like birds and i dont' know why. i think I'll buy one. I just love their sounds.
Tyler called me and it made me happy to hear his voice...except he sounded differnt? i don't know why. oh no, I do know why! after I texted him. I hope he doesn't find me annoying. i hope nobody finds me annoying. NO NO NO, I take that back. I don't care if any person walking down the street (what a lame saying! who walks down the street?? they drive. or at least walk on the sidewalk. now that person doesn't get ANY money from MY bank account) thinks I'm annoying. Forget them! (I say forget them in place of f*** them) I only care what my friends think. I hope they still like me and don't think different of me since I danced really hard.
S
K
A
N
K
!
that's me!
haha no I mean that's a dance.
Ok I'm out. I need to leave before i make a fool out of myself. Like on Hunchback of Notre Dome where there's the King of Fools you know? well if you don tknow you should see that. It's a REALLY good movie. I'm stopping myself
Good nighttttt everyone who reads this. Which is like what? 3 people. Well you 3 people, I LOVE YOu!

02:03 pm: I'm at school waiting to take a test on the computer.
Everyone complains about the seagulls, but I love them.
i like watching them.
I probally won't when one poops on my head one day. Bound to happen. noooo it'd be on my face cause I look up at them. Ha. But really...it's weird how happy they make me. All birds..but those ones the most. Ahhhh bird lady!
I need to clear things up in my life.
SKALLOWEEN friday!! I'm so excited. We got a full car of girls dressing 80s. Should be a good time. Skank it up all night long. We're also gonna ride the light rail. I haven't done that yet, so I'm pretty stoked.
School calls.
ha, school, who needs school?!

09:18 pm: once I get time
Soon to come I'm going to put up pictures of Mexico, and a reeaaalll nice segment called 'Recycled Air'. Just wait for it.

07:36 pm: I'm in Mexico.
I miss people.
It is really pretty here.

04:51 pm: mannnn
I need to get my grades up so I can transfer with decent grades. that is all.
cranky
ha
that's funny

12:23 am: On my own
Sometimes I wish I was a bum.
Why?
Because if I was a bum, i could've gone to a bonfire with one of the most beautiful guys I have ever seen in my life. In my life. instead I'm tied down to parents, cerfuws, and a job. I was so mad. I almost cried. How amazing would that have been? Tahoe, cool people, beautiful guy, the woods, chill weather, bon-freaking-fire. Insane, that's what it would've been. AARRGGGG! Instead we went back to Folsom to our sad little lifes. Double bummer--I didn't even get the name of Beautiful, and they all lived in Reno.
I
wish
I
was
a
bum.

09:29 pm: :::::::::::::::::::::
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Goodbyetomorrow is amazing. I'll put pictures up later. Shannon is a great friend for asking them to dedicate "if your eyes were mine" to me. Which they did! I'm glad they play in Utah (sometimes Saint George), so that I can see them again. And people will think I'm chumming with them, ahha. i loved that they played all the songs they did. Like "Freshmen", by The Verve Pipe (glad I requested it, cause I missed it at the show at Border's when they came last),and of course all the ones they played of their own stuff. I didn't even mean to, want to...tried not to...but I cried during 'Tied By Miles' because I was thinking about how I'll be tied by miles to everyone here in Folsom, and the guys that I already am Tied by Miles to. I couldn't stop the tears.
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-nicole